Everything seems different at the Pink House these days. The clinic has always seen a lot of patients, but now many have to drive farther to get here.

We have always focused on getting patients inside, past the antis yelling from the sidewalk. Truthfully, we don't pay much attention to what patients look like, nor should we really. But lately it's been hard not to remember their faces.

As the SCOTUS decision looms, we have to wonder if patients here for their first visit will still be able to have their second. I just can't imagine getting that phone call telling you that your appointment is cancelled, and abortion is no longer legal in Mississippi.

Last Friday, a Chevy Camaro pulled into the parking lot. I approached the car and the young man driving rolled down his window. Both he and the patient seemed upbeat even though they had just driven past screaming antis and their disgusting signs. I started my info speech as a thousand times before and the patients face changed to one of fright. She thought she had forgotten her ID which thankfully proved to be a false alarm. We got the patient inside and her partner left to run an errand.

About 20 minutes later the patient came back out. In the midst of all of the ID chaos she had forgotten her money in the car. As we waited for her companion to return, I sat on the curb beside her and chatted. So many patients don't know that Roe is on the brink of being overturned, but this young woman was well aware.

After a bit she asked me "What are women in Mississippi going to do when the Pink House is gone?" Though there isn't a good answer, I took the opportunity to talk about abortion funds and practical support organizations.

"But that's not going to be enough, is it?" Our eyes met and I slowly shook my head as the Camaro pulled back into the lot. As I walked her back to the clinic door, I reminded her that the decision could come on Tuesday, so she needed to try to come back tomorrow if at all possible. "Oh, that's my plan for sure."

About an hour later the patient came out and joined us under the canopy as she waited for her partner to return. The first thing I asked was if we would see her in the morning. She sighed. "No, I'm past 11 weeks so I can't come tomorrow."

Saturdays at the clinic are a half day and there are no procedures performed, only medication abortions. Patient days at the clinic the week of 6/20 start on Tuesday. "I'll be back on Wednesday. I'm going to be praying that y'all will still be here then." All of the Defenders looked at each other, "We hope that we will be too." Her ride pulled in and I walked her up the stairs. She smiled, "I'll see y'all Wednesday." I nodded, smiled back and waved goodbye as the Camaro pulled out of the parking lot.

Waiting for this decision has been an agonizing process. I'm ashamed to admit a couple of times I've thought, "let's just get it over with." I hate that the thought ever entered my mind. Every time I close my eyes, I see her face. The only thing in the world that I want right now is to see that Camaro one more time...

Derenda